...for every encouraging word I've heard, it wouldn't compare to the value of a single one of those words

My upstairs neighbors can be quite boisterous. They're usually not too bad, but on occasion, it gets a bit ridiculous. Today was one of those loud days.

It started around noon, with loud footsteps and door slams to shake the building. Soon, the voices raised to reveal a lovers' quarrel. It was awkward at first, but eventually I started to pay attention, and soon the true underlying theme of the argument came out: the young lady just didn't understand the needs of her man.

It got me to thinking of all the times that I've heard people lament that they simply don't understand the members of the opposite sex. That's when the idea to write this post came to me. Now obviously, I'm not an expert about what women need or understanding them, but I do know well what guys need and how to understand them. Hence, this post has come into existence. It is directed more towards my female readers, but hopefully the guys can take away the act that they aren't the only ones who are the way they are. I hope that this might give you a bit of insight into the working of the typical male's mind and his needs.

THINGS GUYS NEED:

The biggest thing you need to understand about what guys need is our longing for respect. This is one of the biggest needs that men have, and is often one of the most easily overlooked. Guys are wired to want to be the hero, the champion, the best of the best. Too often though we're denied that respect, intentionally or not. Be it through careless words said without consideration, or through seemingly innocuous actions that can seriously devalue us, it happens every day.

Explaining the nuance of all the ways we're denied respect would be impossible, but here's a list that may help.

THINGS NOT TO DO:

• Don't compare us to other guys. This is particularly true if it highlights a feature of another guy that we don't have, or isn't on par with his
• Don't refuse our help. Sometimes we want to open that door for you. Sometimes we'd love nothing more than to serve you. When you insist that you can do something yourself, that translates to us that we have no value, and nothing crushes a man's spirit more than feeling valueless or replaceable.
• Don't hit us when we're down. Often, we're even more acutely aware of our shortcomings than you, so when you pile on to that self-disappointment by criticizing the failures we're already beating ourselves up over, you're truly doing us a disservice.
• Avoid ridicule. Even if you're trying to be joking, the smallest attack on our ego is something that hits true to the mark as surely as if you meant it as a barbed arrow

THINGS YOU CAN DO INSTEAD:

• Compliment us. Instead of highlighting our shortcomings compared to other guys, compliment us on the ways we exceed them. The smallest genuine compliment means so much more than you realize
• Let us help you. We're hardwired to want to be servants, and we enjoy feeling like we have value. We know perfectly well that you can open your own doors, but we want to perform that service for you anyways. This ties back to my post about chivalry. Let us feel valued.
• Encourage us. I'll talk about this more in a minute

I can't say enough how important this is. "I would much rather be respected than loved" is as accurate a description of how men feel as there is.

Another thing men need is encouragement. Society teaches us from the time we are little that showing emotions is a sign of femininity and isn't something that "real men" do. This means we internalize huge portions of our life. If you ever hear us talking about our problems, it often means we're almost at the end of our minds with worry or concern about the issue. This is us asking for reassurance. This is us asking for someone to tell us that we can handle everything thrown at us.

Men are under immense pressure every day. Things that weigh on us like school, work, money, and relationships are things we worry about and place immense pressure on ourselves to be excellent at. Surprisingly, men are often as insecure, or even more insecure than women are, yet we internalize this and try to cope by ourselves. This is why we need encouragement. A word of encouragement builds us up in ways women can't understand. Likewise, it's so easy to tear us down.

THINGS NOT TO DO:

• Don't tear us down. Don't abandon us when we need you. Don't shove it in our faces when you think we're wrong. Don't nag us to be better, or highlight our shortcomings. It's so poisonous to our being when you do
• Don't lose patience. When you get impatient with guys, it comes across as nagging. No matter how much we might be in the wrong, it still is one of the most surefire ways to make us less responsive.

THINGS YOU CAN DO:

• Build us up. This applies to everyone who has a friend who's a guy. Tell us we're awesome. Tell us that you believe in us. Support us, even if you disagree with us. If we're wrong, we'll figure it out, but until then, your support is worth so much more than your criticism
• Be patient with us. When we're having a rough day, we're not always the easiest people to deal with. We draw into ourselves and try to block everything out, including you. So please just bear with us until we work things out for ourselves

These are things that are applicable to everyone who knows a guy, not just those in a relationship with one. In fact, it can be harder on guys who aren't in a relationship, simply because they often don't have anyone who can build them up in the way they crave.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the nuances of what guys need, or a detailed manual for how to deal with them, but it's a good start for sure. So next time you're hanging out with that one guy you've been thinking about this whole article, keep these things in mind, and be a blessing to him!

...for every time I've worried, I'd have enough to pay my rent this month

Worrying is something each of us do. It's what we do when we are anxious or concerned about issues we face, whether real or imagined. Most of the time, we tend to worry about issues that are personal to us, such as our finances, our health, or relationships. This is usually more intense that what we experience when we worry about broader issues, like the state of our government or the environment.

In small amounts, this anxiety can be beneficial to us. For example, if nobody was anxious about getting into a car wreck, why would we bother to put on our seat belts? This toned-down version of anxiety and worry is what causes us to be cautious, leading us to take precautions and avoid risky behaviors.

However, when we amplify this and focus on it, we often over-correct and become intensely aware of it. Going back to the car accident example, someone might be so focused on their anxiety about getting into a car wreck, they may refuse to drive, or even ride in a car. This is the worry that becomes dangerous to us, and can severely affect us both mentally and, in some cases, physically.

For me personally, I tend to worry quite often. It can be about the smallest little things...things I have no business worrying about in the first place. For a long time, I had no real way to regulate that worry, and it would very often interfere with my daily life, and in some cases, even interfere with finding a solution to my worries.

Thankfully, I received some very wise advice about how to deal with worry. The trick for me was to try putting things in perspective, and then see if it's something I should really be fretting about.

Let's try an exercise, shall we? I want you to visualize something you're worried about right now.

Have you got it? Good!

Now, I want you to imagine yourself in six months. Is what you're worried about going to still be affecting you then?

What about a year from now?

Five years?

Ten?

Now, I want you to think back. What were you worrying about six months ago? Is it still a factor?

What about a year ago? Is that issue even on your radar?

Five years ago?

When someone went through this exercise with me, it reminded me that I used to write often in a personal journal back in middle school. As some of you may remember, middle school is filled with nothing but drama and worry about the inner workings of your school's social dynamics. Sure enough, when I turned back to see what I had written, it was filled with the cares and troubles of a kid who (thankfully) has matured enough to laugh. The things that I had spent so much time in a state of anxiety over were things that I had entirely forgotten even happened.

I honestly laughed when I realized how much energy I had wasted being anxious about things that, ultimately, have had very little effect on me. It showed me that as much as some issue may seem monumental to you, given time, it really is going to be just a drop in the pond.

An old Irish saying is I think the best way to end this post:

So what are you worrying about? Go out and relax! Enjoy your life! We only get the one...